PostSecret: 3/21 Secrets

So I was reading this past week's PostSecret this morning and found a few secrets I found amusing.  I don't always like to visit their website because I find myself getting depressed reading all the secrets. I'm just a softie that way, and... okay, not all secrets are depressing, some are funny, some make me wanna gag, and some are just plain WTF?! But every now and then, when the mood strikes and I do venture into PostSecret land, I always seem to find those very few secrets that make me smile :D

The Porn

So my friend posts a message that stated that he was angry for wasting 3 hours... so then, curious as I am, I asked why.  His answer?:

"Long story....but the porn was good!!  LOL"

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That cracked me up.

I just had to share the uber-randomness.

Despair

"All my life I believed I knew something. But then one strange day came when I realized that I knew nothing, yes I knew nothing. And so words became void of meaning. I have arrived too late at ultimate uncertainty."
-Ezra Pound

"Man dies of cold, not of darkness."
-Miguel de Unamuno

"Now, God be praised, that to believing souls gives light in darkness, comfort in despair."
-William Shakespeare

Why Voodoo?

Okay, so somebody just asked me, 'What's up with you and this whole voodoo thigh?  Why voodoo?'  I can't really explain why.  I suppose that Voodoo (the word) stuck with me after reading an Anne Rice novel called The Witching Hour. This particular book made such an impact in my life, that from the moment I read it, I pretty much became obsessed with anything and everything about the supernatural and anything and everything related to it. For many many years, since like, 1997 I think, I've been known around the internet as Voodoo Banshee. I always refer to Voodoo Banshee as  my alter ego, because... it really is. And before you ask me: No. I'm not a narcissist.

After that, I went OCD with the whole voodoo thing. In 2003, I decided to make a second LiveJournal account for myself under the username and after that, I went as far as purchasing my own domain name. Unfortunately, voodoobanshee.com was already taken. Imagine my outrage at that! LOL. I did inquire about purchasing it, but I did not have the appropriate funds for that (yeah, right, like I had $5,000 just lying around somewhere at the time.) So then, I started thinking... maybe VoodooBanshee can just be my alter ego/username for everything and I can purchase a separate domain name that has the word voodoo in it. And that's how Voodoo Envy was born.

How did I come up with the name? Easy. I had a running joke with someone on LiveJournal who always made fun of my Voodoo username, so I would always tell him: 'You know you just got voodoo envy, you wanna be like my voodoo when you grow up.' HA! So that's how I got the idea. And snagged myself a .com, .net, and .org.

Later on, I found that Hewlett-Packard had a line of PC's and Notebooks called Voodoo Envy 133 notebook PC and Voodoo Omen desktop PC. I remember that I almost bought a voodoo notebook. They were way cool... signature colors, tribal designs, the works.

That'd be how my voodoo came to be; *tee hee* just my little piece of voodoo history for y'all. And now you know, why voodoo. Why not?

*the end*

Voodoo Queen

I went to Lucille's for lunch this past weekend and I saw this at the bar. Of course, I just had to take a picture. It's all about the Voodoo after all :D

Still Hard...

To this day, I still find it very hard to be around other children other than my own little Cindy.  I knew when I was diagnosed with Cancer that I would never be able to have any more children- and I was okay, still am okay with that. I have my little angel after all. She is the best daughter a mother could ever ask for.

But, still... I still find it hard to believe that I will never create another beautiful life like hers. And as much as I told myself in the past that I didn't want to have any more children, that I was okay with just the one, the truth is, that in the back of my mind I did want to have at least one more baby.  I still wanted to go through that amazing experience just one more time.

When I was pregnant with Cindy, it was the most beautiful and amazing experience of my life. She was like the text book pregnancy, everything about that time was just absolutely prefect. Even the birth was amazing. I cannot think of one negative thing about that time. I can't even say that I was in any pain... major discomfort, yes, but no real pain.

And now, when I see other babies, I get all emotional without even realizing it. I thought I was past this, but the fact is, that I am still having a hard time with it. Not that I feel any less of a woman, but I do feel somewhat empty. I shouldn't, really I shouldn't. I have everything that I have ever wanted and more. There's really nothing lacking in my life. But I miss that feeling- the one where you stare at yourself in wonder. The feeling that you get when you realized that you have another little life inside of you, so precious... so everything... it's just hard.

And I know that I still have other options out there for me. There's always adoption, but... still... how do I fill that void? Should I even feel that way? Is it wrong of me to feel that way? Is feeling that way make me a bad person? I hope not.

Maybe I'm just being selfish that way. I mean, I have a wonderful life already, I shouldn't be asking for more than what I have already been given. I suppose with time, I will learn cope a little better, but until then...

Current Mood: Sad

Death of a Slayer

Title: Death of a Slayer
Character(s): Drusilla
Warnings: Violence
Pairings: None
Fandom: Angel the Series
Word count: 933
Rating: R
Disclaimer: (These characters belong to Joss Whedon, The WB, UPN, and FOX). Although I am emoting these characters I did not CREATE them. No copyright infringement is intended nor implied.

Ring Around The Rosie...

Title: Ring Around The Rosie…
Character(s): Drusilla
Warnings: Violence
Pairings: None
Fandom: Angel the Series
Word count: 901
Rating: R
Disclaimer: (These characters belong to Joss Whedon, The WB, UPN, and FOX). Although I am emoting these characters I did not CREATE them. No copyright infringement is intended nor implied.

 

What Have I Done...?

Title: What Have I Done…?
Character(s): Illyria, Wesley
Warnings: Violence
Pairings: Illyria/Wesley
Fandom: Angel the Series
Word count: 646
Rating: R
Disclaimer: (These characters belong to Joss Whedon, The WB, UPN, and FOX). Although I am emoting these characters I did not CREATE them. No copyright infringement is intended nor implied.

 

The Value of Compromise

Title: The Value of Compromise…
Character(s): Angel, Connor
Warnings: Violence
Pairings: None
Fandom: Angel the Series
Word count: 2,762
Rating: R
Disclaimer: (These characters belong to Joss Whedon, The WB, UPN, and FOX).  Although I am emoting these characters I did not CREATE them.  No copyright infringement is intended nor implied.