Showing posts with label Blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blog. Show all posts

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Why Voodoo?

Okay, so somebody just asked me, 'What's up with you and this whole voodoo thigh?  Why voodoo?'  I can't really explain why.  I suppose that Voodoo (the word) stuck with me after reading an Anne Rice novel called The Witching Hour. This particular book made such an impact in my life, that from the moment I read it, I pretty much became obsessed with anything and everything about the supernatural and anything and everything related to it. For many many years, since like, 1997 I think, I've been known around the internet as Voodoo Banshee. I always refer to Voodoo Banshee as  my alter ego, because... it really is. And before you ask me: No. I'm not a narcissist.


After that, I went OCD with the whole voodoo thing. In 2003, I decided to make a second LiveJournal account for myself under the username and after that, I went as far as purchasing my own domain name. Unfortunately, voodoobanshee.com was already taken. Imagine my outrage at that! LOL. I did inquire about purchasing it, but I did not have the appropriate funds for that (yeah, right, like I had $5,000 just lying around somewhere at the time.) So then, I started thinking... maybe VoodooBanshee can just be my alter ego/username for everything and I can purchase a separate domain name that has the word voodoo in it. And that's how Voodoo Envy was born.


How did I come up with the name? Easy. I had a running joke with someone on LiveJournal who always made fun of my Voodoo username, so I would always tell him: 'You know you just got voodoo envy, you wanna be like my voodoo when you grow up.' HA! So that's how I got the idea. And snagged myself a .com, .net, and .org.


Later on, I found that Hewlett-Packard had a line of PC's and Notebooks called Voodoo Envy 133 notebook PC and Voodoo Omen desktop PC. I remember that I almost bought a voodoo notebook. They were way cool... signature colors, tribal designs, the works.


That'd be how my voodoo came to be; *tee hee* just my little piece of voodoo history for y'all. And now you know, why voodoo. Why not?


*the end*

Friday, March 19, 2010

Still Hard...

To this day, I still find it very hard to be around other children other than my own little Cindy.  I knew when I was diagnosed with Cancer that I would never be able to have any more children- and I was okay, still am okay with that. I have my little angel after all. She is the best daughter a mother could ever ask for.



But, still... I still find it hard to believe that I will never create another beautiful life like hers. And as much as I told myself in the past that I didn't want to have any more children, that I was okay with just the one, the truth is, that in the back of my mind I did want to have at least one more baby.  I still wanted to go through that amazing experience just one more time.



When I was pregnant with Cindy, it was the most beautiful and amazing experience of my life. She was like the text book pregnancy, everything about that time was just absolutely prefect. Even the birth was amazing. I cannot think of one negative thing about that time. I can't even say that I was in any pain... major discomfort, yes, but no real pain.



And now, when I see other babies, I get all emotional without even realizing it. I thought I was past this, but the fact is, that I am still having a hard time with it. Not that I feel any less of a woman, but I do feel somewhat empty. I shouldn't, really I shouldn't. I have everything that I have ever wanted and more. There's really nothing lacking in my life. But I miss that feeling- the one where you stare at yourself in wonder. The feeling that you get when you realized that you have another little life inside of you, so precious... so everything... it's just hard.



And I know that I still have other options out there for me. There's always adoption, but... still... how do I fill that void? Should I even feel that way? Is it wrong of me to feel that way? Is feeling that way make me a bad person? I hope not.



Maybe I'm just being selfish that way. I mean, I have a wonderful life already, I shouldn't be asking for more than what I have already been given. I suppose with time, I will learn cope a little better, but until then...









Current Mood: Sad

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Beyond the Anniversary

I'm beat. It was a long day for me & the hubby. But we had fun. I really like my space, but every once in a while... I guess I'm more of the loner type & enjoy doing things by myself. But since yesterday was my wedding anniversary, I did need that human interaction. And it was well worth it. But, I'm so pooped still, got places to go and things to do...



I feel like doing something like rock climbing, base jumping or cliff diving. I should. And I think I will :D - Anyone interested in joining me?









Current Mood: Joy

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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My Mojo

Yes... I got mojo... lots and lots of mojo...

LOL

Off to See the Doctor's

Well, I'm off to see my regular doctor now to get all my pre-op stuff out of the way for my surgery next week (nothing major!! Just getting my IV port o cath removed.)



Not too keen on getting it done, cuz yeah, the pain afterward is gonna be a bitch, but I suppose I can safely say that I've been through worse. I'm just a cry baby that way I suppose. I'll probably have to wear a sling or something.  On the bright side, at least my surgery was scheduled BEFORE my wedding anniversary (it's this Friday :D ) so at least that's good.



But first and foremost, before even thinking about setting foot at my doctor's office, I will go to California Pizza Kitchen for some yummy-nummy-nummy food.



Love, and all that jazz...









Current Mood: Devious

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

WTFBBQ!!

I can't believe it's already noon and I'm procrastinating as per the usual.  I need to go to the post office to buy some stamps and what am I doing? Lazing about, finding excuses (pretty lame ones too) to not go.  Seriously, I really need to get my ass moving and out the door. Before I know it, it will be like, 4:00pm and then I won't go at all...



In other news, I  have one more surgery this month to remove my IV port o cath.  I'm so glad I'm getting that thing out, it really gets on my nerves sometimes, especially when I'm sleeping on my stomach and stuff. I have to see my regular doctor tomorrow to do all the pre-op stuff, so that's gonna be a fun filled day (note sarcasm).  But at least that will be the last of the last.



Ack! And there I go again, trying to get out of going to the post office. Maybe if I stop by the store to buy some nummy-yummy gummy bears or something, I'll have enough of an incentive to move and get my butt going...then again, maybe not.  I wonder what else I could use as an incentive.



Bleh, I suck.



Okay, I'm gonna count to three and I'm gonna get moving.  Ready? Okay.



One.



Two.



Thr...









Current Mood: Embarrased

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Ugh! But Meh.

It's a bit hard to update my Voodoo Envy blog via my iPhone, I've noticed.  I mean, yeah, I can work on the layout and add/delete plugins and or add/update some of the files through my iPhone or even mess with the database if I wanted to.  But using an actual computer is just so much more practical.  I'm not really complaining, no.  I love my iPhone to death and I'm glad I can still manouver around the Internet when I'm not feeling all that great after all, but still. Sometimes, you just have to use a full sized keyboard and screen.  It's just better.  I hope I get well soon, so can go back to being hunched over my desk while using my laptop  like a crazed Internet looney for hours on end. Not to mention that the laptop won't hit my face when I'm half asleep on the bed trying to type an email or text, etc.  Although, my head would probably hit the key board if I did fall asleep while using the laptop anyway, but I'm counting on my super human reflexes to wake me half way to impact... before I can do any real damage. However, I am such a klutz that I'd probably end up on the floor instead.*hee hee*









Current Mood: Annoyed

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you everyone for all your support during these tough times. Love you all!

Last Chemotherapy Cycle

Today I completed my last chemotherapy cycle. I am incredibly relieved & incredibly nauseous.

For some reason, I have mixed feelings about it, but over all I am very happy to be able to close this chapter of my life and put this behind me.

Slowly, let me start fresh...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

So Crazy & Lazy

So I bought tickets to Anime Expo today (a 4-Day Pass) and I am also going to purchase a 4-Day Pass for Comic-Con if it's still available.  Am I crazy? Maybe, but I really wanna go.  I didn't get to go to Comic-Con last  year and I was really looking forward to it.  Even though San Diego is quite far for me.



But, oh well.



The L.A.  Convention Center is like 20 minutes away so it's not too bad.  And I was even able to get a friend of mine to tag along.  Last year, my friend Bob came with me to Anime Expo.  It was funny how it all happened.  I basically called the day of, and said: "Hey, wanna come to Anime Expo with me?" and he was all like, "Sure! What the heck is that?" I LOLz for like 3 whole minutes before I was able to reply.  But that's Bob for ya.  Willing to go anywhere if he's bored out of his mind.  He did have a good time, though.  Maybe I can get him to tag along again.  Hee hee.



Nothing else to report.  Doing well today, so I'm just trying to enjoy a day of semi-normalcy.  Not too hungry, but it's okay.  I'll ask the hubby to bring home some ice cream on his way back from work.  I kinda want to fill my tummy with some yummy dairy goodness.  I also did a few stretches to get the muscles moving.  I can't move around as much because I'm pretty much either in bed or on the couch for most of the day, but today I felt well enough to stretch a bit and get the muscles moving.



I really hope this feeling lasts until my next cycle.  That would be awesome.  If it does, maybe I can go out to a movie or to dinner with the hubby. It's been a long while since we've done something.  Maybe I'll even be able to go to the park with the baby, that would really make her happy.



Oh! I did a little bit of writing too.  Only like 20 minutes worth.  Nothing great, just trying to jot some ideas down before they flew out of my mind.  Most of them were for my latest project... a novel turned graphic novel.  I am no artists/illustrator, but I think this could really work if I can find someone that is willing to share the vision with me - we'll see if that works out, otherwise, I'll have to spend a whole lot of time trying to learn to draw as well (HA!).  Later tonight I'm gonna call my friend who works for Aurora Publishing, he's a producer (he also worked for TOKYOPOP for a while), I want to see what he thinks about my story and see if it's got potential.  I'm thinking yes.  Last year at Anime Expo I gave him a little blurb about my original novel idea, and he had mentioned to me then that it sounded great and that it could work as a manga too.



Anyway, so yeah, that's what's been going on with me so far.  Nothing amazingly great, just little mundane stuff that really means a lot to me because it's stuff out side my current 'forced-norm'.



Well, I'm off to watch some T.V and play some games on my iPhone to pass the time.  Then nap-time, and after that... I'm not sure yet, but I'm hoping it involves some yummy ice cream and a movie :)

Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's

I may not be awake later to say this... So I will say it now: HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Chemotherapy Cycle #5

Greetings from Chemo-land! If I don't seem too happy it's because I'm NOT! D:



I'm almost at the home stretch and yet these chemotherapy cycles keep getting harder and harder to handle.



Also, I woke up on the right side of cranky today and I just don't feel like my normal quirky with the side of chirpyness today...



Bleh. (Can't you tell from my 'happy' no-nonsense state?)



Meh. I'm the youngest one here too and all my chemo buddies are snoozing it off, which is what I should be doing too. Maybe that will improve my mood. If anything it will make these next 5 hours more bearable.



Saturday, October 24, 2009

NaNoWriMo 2009

I am still unsure if I will be able to participate in this year's NaNoWriMo.  I am hopeful, but realistically, I may not be able to complete it.  I am still debating if I should give it a try either way... I suppose I should start making descisions soon since November 1st is just around the corner.  Who knows?  I just might make it this year...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

What's happening... now?

Nothing new to report.  I'm actually feeling much better today than I have in a while.  I'm still trying to find a happy medium with my meds, but at least I got something that's working.



Work has been okay so far.  Everyone has been super understanding and I'm doing things at my own pace, which is nice.



I'm still feeling pretty tired though... this has been my hardest cycle yet.  Carlos has been doing everything, I almost feel bad.  He's been pulling double daddy/husband duties.  Don't know what I'd really do without him.



Hopefully I'll be feeling much better this weekend, cuz I gotta go buy a costume for the little one.  She wants to be Spongebob :D  - I still don't know what I'm gonna be, but what ever it is, it better be rocking!



Bleh. There's a pillow with my name on it and I can't wait to put my head to.  Nap it is.



*hearts*

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Random

Giving the world random acts of kindness...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Chemotherapy

So I finally started my chemotherapy yesterday.  It was some 4.5 hours, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  For the most part I was just cold and slightly queazy.  I did get more nauseous as I got home but I got some meds and ginger tea/candy helped bunches.

I haven't been eating as much... just can't stomach the thought.

Nurse told me that one of my chemo drugs (I take two) is the one that makes me crazy nauseous and that I will probably feel the side-effects for the next seven days -oh joy!- I said... "It can't be worse than having morning sickness all day."  It's not.  It's more annoying.


Had my second session  today.  It was only two hours.  Tomorrow is my last session (another two hours) and then I'm done for the  month.

I'll be going back October 6th for my second round of chemo.  Will probably lose my hair then... I'll be rocking though. I look good in any hair style and I always wondered if I had a pretty head.  I'll be sporting the baldie for a while but it will be much fun to play with.  Then I some new hair and I'm hoping its as pretty as my daughter's.

I will go back to work next week -thank GOD!- I'm not one to stay at home all the time and just do nothing productive.  Work will keep my mind off things.  So all it's all good.  Everyone there is understanding and I'm sure the change in atmosphere will do my soul some wonders.  I'm a little apprehensive though, since it's been a long while since I've worked, but I'm sure in a week or two it will be just like old times and I'll be kicking some major booty.  

Anyway... all in all, things are good.  Or as good as they are gonna get.  I'll take it one day at a time and see how I feel later on.

I'll keep you all's posted - XOXO

Thursday, May 7, 2009

And life goes on...

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your support during this difficult time.  Truly, it means the world to me.



I know I haven't -blogged- about what's been going on (even though I have talked to some of you one-on-one), I just can't find the right words that could express what I've been thinking about lately.  I'm sure I'll be able to sort everything out in my head once this is all over, and I'll be able to share everything then.



Well, I am going in for surgery tomorrow morning and I'll be at the hospital all weekend.  If everything goes well, I should be back home by Monday.



One of my good friends will be updating my Facebook account and Twitter for me so that you all know what's going on with my recovery.  Heck, knowing how I am, I may ask for my iPhone right away so I can go 'live' straight from my hospital bed... :)



Hmmn... well, I'll be at Torrance Memorial Medical Center and for those who have my phone# you can text me and such... I'm sure my husband will text you back with the room number.



Anyway, thank you all again and wish me luck.



Love you all!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Sooo tired.

Eyes are heavy.



Arms feel funny...



Must. Sleep.



*sigh*



& Zzzz's.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Today. Tomorrow. Always.

Today I found out that I have cancer.



I refuse to let this get me down.



I refuse to be scared.



I will beat this.

 

My Thotz in Plain Color . Chaotic Soul :: Converted by Randomness