Poetry

Tears
Endless...
Faithless..

Poetry

Rumbling skies...
Forget me not
I am already dead

NaNoWriMo 2009

I am still unsure if I will be able to participate in this year's NaNoWriMo.  I am hopeful, but realistically, I may not be able to complete it.  I am still debating if I should give it a try either way... I suppose I should start making descisions soon since November 1st is just around the corner.  Who knows?  I just might make it this year...

What's happening... now?

Nothing new to report.  I'm actually feeling much better today than I have in a while.  I'm still trying to find a happy medium with my meds, but at least I got something that's working.

Work has been okay so far.  Everyone has been super understanding and I'm doing things at my own pace, which is nice.

I'm still feeling pretty tired though... this has been my hardest cycle yet.  Carlos has been doing everything, I almost feel bad.  He's been pulling double daddy/husband duties.  Don't know what I'd really do without him.

Hopefully I'll be feeling much better this weekend, cuz I gotta go buy a costume for the little one.  She wants to be Spongebob :D  - I still don't know what I'm gonna be, but what ever it is, it better be rocking!

Bleh. There's a pillow with my name on it and I can't wait to put my head to.  Nap it is.

*hearts*

Gacela of the Dark Death by Federico Garcia Lorca

I want to sleep the dream of the apples,
to withdraw from the tumult of cemeteries,
I want to sleep the dream of that child
who wanted to cut his heart on the high seas.

I don't want to hear again that the dead do not lose their blood,
that the putrid mouth goes on asking for water.
I don't want to learn of the tortures of the grass,
nor of the moon with a serpent's mouth
that labors before dawn.

I want to sleep awhile,
awhile, a minute, a century;
but all must know that I have not died;
that there is a stable of gold in my lips;
that I am the small friend of the West wing;
that I am the intense shadow of my tears.

Cover me at dawn with a veil.
because dawn will throw fistfuls of ants at me.
and wet with hard water my shoes
so that the pincers of the scorpion slide.

For I want to sleep the dream of the apples,
to learn a lament that will cleanse me of the earth;
for I want to live with that dark child
who wanted to cut his heart on the high seas.

"Unmei no Tori" (運命の鳥 Birds of Fate)

Title: Unmei no Tori (運命の鳥 Birds of Fate)

Author/Illustrator: Rumiko Takahashi

Pages: 32

Description: "The great modern recession that you couldn't see coming. Have you ever wondered... If you could know if the future hold happiness for you or...?"

Date of Publication: March 5th, 2009

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Random

Giving the world random acts of kindness...

Chemotherapy

So I finally started my chemotherapy yesterday.  It was some 4.5 hours, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  For the most part I was just cold and slightly queazy.  I did get more nauseous as I got home but I got some meds and ginger tea/candy helped bunches.

I haven't been eating as much... just can't stomach the thought.

Nurse told me that one of my chemo drugs (I take two) is the one that makes me crazy nauseous and that I will probably feel the side-effects for the next seven days -oh joy!- I said... "It can't be worse than having morning sickness all day."  It's not.  It's more annoying.


Had my second session  today.  It was only two hours.  Tomorrow is my last session (another two hours) and then I'm done for the  month.

I'll be going back October 6th for my second round of chemo.  Will probably lose my hair then... I'll be rocking though. I look good in any hair style and I always wondered if I had a pretty head.  I'll be sporting the baldie for a while but it will be much fun to play with.  Then I some new hair and I'm hoping its as pretty as my daughter's.

I will go back to work next week -thank GOD!- I'm not one to stay at home all the time and just do nothing productive.  Work will keep my mind off things.  So all it's all good.  Everyone there is understanding and I'm sure the change in atmosphere will do my soul some wonders.  I'm a little apprehensive though, since it's been a long while since I've worked, but I'm sure in a week or two it will be just like old times and I'll be kicking some major booty.  

Anyway... all in all, things are good.  Or as good as they are gonna get.  I'll take it one day at a time and see how I feel later on.

I'll keep you all's posted - XOXO

Sonnet XVII (Soneto XVII) by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you
as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

***

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

And life goes on...

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your support during this difficult time.  Truly, it means the world to me.

I know I haven't -blogged- about what's been going on (even though I have talked to some of you one-on-one), I just can't find the right words that could express what I've been thinking about lately.  I'm sure I'll be able to sort everything out in my head once this is all over, and I'll be able to share everything then.

Well, I am going in for surgery tomorrow morning and I'll be at the hospital all weekend.  If everything goes well, I should be back home by Monday.

One of my good friends will be updating my Facebook account and Twitter for me so that you all know what's going on with my recovery.  Heck, knowing how I am, I may ask for my iPhone right away so I can go 'live' straight from my hospital bed... :)

Hmmn... well, I'll be at Torrance Memorial Medical Center and for those who have my phone# you can text me and such... I'm sure my husband will text you back with the room number.

Anyway, thank you all again and wish me luck.

Love you all!